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[Nov. 3rd, 2009|10:42 pm] |
It's odd living here, I can cope with the shit in the bin shed and the puke on the stairwell, and the noise from downstairs, but I do feel like I live in a bad Mike Leigh Film.
Tonight I had to visit the local community hall to check it was OK for us to use for a leaseholders meeting. The hall is on the dodgy Mount Estate, but the hall is rather nice (full kitchen, under floor heating, wheelchair access....all lovely), but oh my goodness....
To set the scene: I meet the people in charge of the hall in Mo's flat (5th floor of the tower block).
Mo: 60ish, cockney, salt of the earth, I think she thought I was well posh (haha!). Has the look of someone who hasn't bothered with fresh vegetables for the last 50 years. Her flat very very clean and tidy (i.e. she is poor, and house bound and a general busy body), she had two white leather sofa's and the TV on the whole time I was there. In front of her was a black plastic tray on legs (handy for snacks or cans of cider....), she leans on the tray to get up, and used it like Zimmer frame across the room (but clearly doesn't need to). I imagine she was wearing surgical stockings, but did not dare to look down to her legs.
Al: Late 50's Chubby. No teeth so to speak of, but lovely bright pink gums. Talks in a slightly embarrassed way, always putting himself down (which is a shame because he is by far the most funny person around for miles). Tells me how some teens tried to mug him, but "when you mug a fatty you have to be careful about what way he falls in case you get trapped". Apparently he got stabbed in the backside, but they got broken noses, maybe worse (he wouldn't tell). He showed me the community Hall. At one point he opened a door and said 'ladies toilets, two cubicles and hand washing facilities." I said " Lovely!"
This is the highlight of the meeting:
Mo: I'm giving my plants to her, they ain't 'arf heavy, can you give her a hand?
Al: I would darling, but I ain't got a bone in my arm.
Mo: You silly sod, you're one big bone, you got bones everywhere!
Al: Nah, not in me spine, that's made of jelly, That's why I wibble!
Mo: I'll make you fuckin' wibble in a minute! |
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| run rabbit run rabbit run! |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|09:12 pm] |
We did our 10K run.
It was fun.
Then we went and ate lot of food, and drank numerous bottles of wine, and misbehaved. Hurrah!
Andrew, thank you for sponsoring me! Who knew that you could still be bothered to read this shit!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2009|09:40 pm] |
I ran 10k around Victoria park today for a Cancer charity. I did it with two of my lovely friends. The run was brilliant, and funny, and at points emotional.
Apparently, if you don't sponsor me £2, then a Nanna dies.
http://www.run10ksponsorme.org/tobyreynolds
Thank you to all that have sponsored me, you're Nanna's would be proud.
Toby xx |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 15th, 2009|12:16 am] |
I am running 10k on Sunday in Victoria Park this weekend for Cancer Research UK.
While it's a great charity and all that, I am looking on this as a popularity contest rather than a worthy activity. Therefore would like to beg you to sponsor me between £1 and £5, and leave a rude message. I'm not looking for quality sponsorship, but quantity, lots of lots of people. Yes. Please.
http://www.run10ksponsorme.org/tobyreynolds
Toby x |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2009|08:31 pm] |
When I babysit my nephew, he tends to scream for at least an hour. I don't care, I will sing this song if I want to.
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2009|10:48 pm] |
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Tonight I went for a late haircut. My barber is so cute, that I don't mind that he was stoned out of his head at 7.30 tonight when he attacked my hair. What I do mind is that he'd read some dreadful Dan Brown book, and kept going on about conspiricy theories, and how waves come out of our heads that tell us to buy things. Yadda yadda yadda. He made me so bored that I accidently trimmed my beard without checking that the clippers had the guard on, and now I am 'cleanish' shaven. Bugger. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 10th, 2009|11:57 pm] |
My local food shop is an amazing place called Organic and Natural. They people in there go way beyond lovely. They were the only people within a 3 mile radius that I could find who stocked Black Onion seeds (and they are a 45 second walk from my home - hurrah!). They have a lovely little garden and make a decent cup of coffee. I have just been told that they have installed a piano for any customer who fancies tinkering the ivories. Ain't that lovely?
In other news, I saw Hasidic children have a scooter race today. They were all long skirts / curly whirly hair to the wind. Lovely! |
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| THE RUNS |
[Jul. 28th, 2009|09:34 pm] |
I have taken to going running three times a week. I'm getting quite good, and am enjoying it. I run over the marshes where there is always something going on. So, far I have seen -
Jews in canoes on the River Lea.
Muslins family eating sandwiches in the shade.
The black boy from Grange Hill (I think he had a big afro and was in Tucker era).
A pair of young dykes practicing ballroom dance moves in a field.
My friend Kenny Rogers.
A tramp on the bench by the pub passed out, and the landlady wrapping a blanket around him.
The gays...lots and lots of gays.
A Snake!! (or maybe just a slow-worm).
A one legged man (on crutches) chasing his dog.
People having BBQ's on house boats.
Men having wee's in bushes.
I sometimes run with my friend's greyhound, and I sometimes push him in the river. he hates it, but it makes people on the bridge laugh.
It's all about the simple pleasures innit? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2009|11:48 pm] |
I am wearing women's deodorant by accident.
I smell like a nanna covered in talcum powder.
No amount of Issey Miyake for Men can hide my lady-smell.
Gender Bending ain't all it's cracked up to be. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 30th, 2009|11:33 pm] |
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Sometimes living in my flat is like living in East London's own version of Rear Window. From my spot at the kitchen sink I can see into about 20 flats. Over the last 7 years I have seen people wander around naked, seen them fight, seen them dance at parties, wank to porn, and even seen dodgy Eastern European girls giving lap dances to topless muscle men....it all goes on around me. Over the last few weeks I have started staring into frosted bathroom windows and watching fuzzy figures of men pee'ing. I play a game called 'will he, or won't he wash his hands?' while I wash my filthy dishes. It may be the heat of the summer, but I` am finding myself becoming more and more hot under the collar by this game! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 20th, 2009|07:20 pm] |
You know how I am obsessed with the people in my building? Well today I found out that we had some famous residents in the past (because it became a slum)......
I'm so excited that the Beverly sisters lived here..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2009|09:35 pm] |
I bought my Nephew a bath book. Well, actually I bought my nephew the best bath book in the whole frigging world. It's one that was named after me (I used to work for the Publisher).
The Tag line says 'squeeze Toby and watch him squirt water into the bath!'
Who knew my colleagues knew me so well. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2009|11:56 pm] |
Walking the 60 seconds journey from the bus stop to home tonight, I walked behind an old man in his 70's wearing a pin-striped suit, with the trousers tucked into some huge-heeled, black, blue, AND red cowboy boots. A black teenaged boy walked past us shouting and smiling 'Im loving those boots man, I'm loving those boots!'. I got to my building and on the first staircase I was passed by an Eastern European man in his early 20's shouting abuse at a girl on the landingl. He was bare-chested, bare-footed, wearing only grey jogging trousers, showing a rather fetching six-pack, with his face smeared with blood.
I fucking love my life. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 19th, 2009|10:36 pm] |
I'm ashamed to say I giggled at 2:22 |
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toby_ray's journal
